Dave Pigeon's book on how to deal with bad cats and keep (most of) your feathers

If you can read this, you obviously understand Pigeonese. If you're a cat and you've learnt Pigeonese... (HA HA HA! As if a cat would be smart enough to learn Pigeonese). This must mean if you are a cat and you are able to read this, you have taken a pigeon hostage so that you can trick them into translating the Pigeonese words into Meow.